Gays have always been bellwethers of culture. Living on the fringe without the constraints of mainstream thinking, they forged a taboo-breaking frontier that, ironically, soon became the darling of the mainstream zeitgeist. Nowhere is this truer than in the dating scene. When straights lauded Tinder as all the rage, every gay knew it was a straight-knock off of Grindr. But what has been less examined is the bellwether the gay dating scene presents in terms of social evolution. For the fact is that sites like Grindr, Her and Bumble are not just evolving the way mainstream culture hooks up, but defining how sexual (and consequently social) interactions and evolving at large.
From “Show me your dick pics” to the streamlining of straight-up sex, to the latest move towards commoditizing sexual preference by highlighting a list of what you *don’t* want, or hacking Tinder to extend your friendship network, the truth is that where the gays go, the rest of society follows (consciously or not). Given this, we thought this week we’d take a closer look at the moral code that defines the gay dating world, and its implications for society at-large.
Sex on Demand
I just like it the way I like it.
Coffee used to be considered an art — whether you used a French press or settled for drip, consideration went into brewing each cup to preference. All that changed when Starbucks popped up on every corner in America. Now we simply drive through, ask for a Venti, light ice, one pump, caramel latte with half sugar-free and half regular syrup. We’re still able to get our perfect cup, but don’t have to exert any effort to do so. We call this convenience and there’s no backlash. But when it comes to sex, demanding our preferences without any of the formality involved in searching for the perfect partner can result in bigotry. In the gay community, sex can be ordered on demand through Grindr and Scruff, and in the straight community, via Tinder and Bumble. SOD (sex on demand) via the iOS store is normalizing putting down others by openly vocalizing preferences in spaces it would never before be considered appropriate. So what’s next? Will we further mix pillow talk and public segregation via Yelp reviews of your sex game (Lulu 2.0)? Will we enter Black Mirror star-rating society? Will we trade in morality for convenience once and for all?
Zero-PC
Commoditization and the Dangerous Logic of Niche Reality
“No Fems. No Blacks. No Fats.” That this direct, uncompromising language is offered on a growing number of Grindr profile pages, with little explanation or defense, appears on the surface a barely-concealed “fuck you” to established PC codes. In reality, it’s more like the human survival mechanism kicking into action. In times of trial, we reach for what we know. The logical playbook directing us to close in, close ranks, surround ourselves with the familiar. Just look at the rise of Bud Sex: suburban straight males grasping for each other in a Brokeback Mountain-esque example of life imitating art. But the problem with this rearguard action is that while it makes us feel safe, it actually makes us more vulnerable. One of the best articles on the Women’s March was Jenna Wortham’s analysis on why who didn’t go is more important than who did.
Her points have left many newly-minted white Feminists outraged that the purity of their intent has to be muddied by these “other” issues, namely Black Lives Matter and Transgender Feminism. But her point is more essential now than ever: if you fight for one, you fight for all three. Feminism can’t be extracted from racism, or social inequality at-large. So while it’s tempting to stick to what we know, to fight for what affects us, it’s futile if we aren’t prepared to fight the overarching enemy: The idea that some are created more equal than others.
Frag-men-tation
Divided We Fall
Gay is a powerful brand, almost in spite of itself. The LGBT identity has always been fragmented — an umbrella artificially placed over a vast swath of multi-dimensional people held together by a common need to fight an external enemy. In its early days, gay culture found useful purpose in the combination of all identities, as it gave each individual scale, a voice and a platform to seek justice in a discriminatory world. Yet as “gay” has become increasingly mainstream, with greater social acceptance and economic protections (we’re getting there), cohesion of the LGBTQ brand seems to be waning. A certain apathy unintentionally undermining the power of the whole to defend the fringes. Whether we look to the lack of cohesive LGBTQ action in rallying against Trump / Pence, or the existence of hashtags #gaysfortrump (disregarding Pence’s anti-marriage, anti-Trans, pro-Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) there’s a growing sense that fragmentation is weakening “the brand.” Perhaps nowhere is this seen more clearly than in the announcement that Milo Yiannopoulos was voted LGBTQ Nation’s Person of the Year 2016. Whether an ironic joke or a real show of support, it’s a moot point. It was his employer (Brietbart) that started the discourse on dropping the T from LGBTQ on the basis that Trans people weren’t fit for inclusion. Which leaves us with the unfortunate reality that while united we stand, divided we lay ourselves open to being trolled from within. And sadly, there is only one way that story ends.
Friends Without Benefits
Hack the Algorithm and Troll for Good
To date, the majority of us have been beholden to our self-prescribed filter bubbles, following the IRL model of sticking close to who we know. Yes, dating apps have helped nudge us out of total confinement, but for the most part, our feed is made up of the content, likes and shares born of real life friends and family. Then last year a small evolution occurred. On the surface it appeared insignificant, but may actually be the snippet of social code that ushers us into the next phase of digital evolution: the Friends Without Benefits hack. That this started with the lesbian community, a collective lovingly known for their predilection for nesting, is not surprising. But its implications are universal. Initially taking the form of hacking Tinder to fulfill the desire to find friends of the non-sexual variety, the behavior has now spread to the emergence of Friendship Apps.
While that in itself is lovely — and important, not to mention useful — the bigger movement that has ushered in is one of cross-feed-love. A.K.A. Hacking the Algorithm. OK. So I don’t know you, but I saw that you used #LGBTQpride on your instasnap, have only one like and a bunch of questioning comments, so I will execute an act of stranger support: ❤️ YOUR STYLE. Whether you refer to this as friendly community management, or random acts of buttressing (no pun, of course), the power is potent. Anyone can do it. Anyone can enjoy it. And so the anti-troll weapon emerges. Try it, leave a positive comment on a strangers wall. You never know, you might like it. And they might like you back.
End of an Ally
The American Apparel Paradox
As controversial clothing manufacturer American Apparel closes its brick-and-mortar stores and withdraws presence from much of the world, an era has come to an end. For all the negative aspects of the brand (especially the sexual misconduct of founder and former CEO Dov Charney), the company did much to support and unite the LGBT community. Since 2008, American Apparel sold Legalize Gay clothing that made its way onto screens across the world. What seems commonplace today was actually considered taboo just 8 years ago — U.S. Proposition 8 banned same-sex marriage in California. The company had also been criticized for carrying Butt Magazine, a gay culture publication, though the company refused to discontinue carrying it citing it as an “important gay culture publication.” It’s hard to digest that a founder who accomplished much for gay rights also set back the clock on treatment of women. Perhaps the magic wasn’t even about Dov Charney himself, but the community of open-minded, supportive friends who behind the counter made the clothing company worth more than the fluorescent biker shorts on the walls.
In Memes
A Closer Look at The Shorty Awards Nominees
Below are the meme accounts nominated for 2017 Shorty Awards. What does it take to win? Consistent, single-purpose accounts that look at mainstream topics through a twisted lens (i: fibonaccispiral, have become cultural staples. This year, we’re likely going to see an increase in artisanal, niche memecraft with deeper narratives, more in-humor and deeper references that start to build deep community.
🔥fibonaccispiral🔥
🔥kirbyjenner🔥
🔥versacetamagotchi🔥
🔥chillwildlife🔥
🔥girlwithnojob🔥
🔥everyoutfitonsatc🔥
🔥tasteofstreep🔥
🔥mytherapistsays🔥
🔥yourshittyfamily🔥
🔥buy2hams🔥
🔥tasteofstreep🔥
🔥chefjacqueslemerde🔥
Thank you for reading.
